China & Mixed Signals

I feel really restless and have a lack of motivation these days. I did contact that school in China to see if they are still interested in me and hopefully I will hear back from them soon. If I do, it will be in the middle of the night tonight. If they still want me I will go over there to take my teaching position in February and spend the time between now and then getting the paperwork and money for the plane ticket together.

I was supposed to go work for them in August when we separated but then we both wanted to try again…I have not kept in contact with them to verify or deny that I would be coming, but the email they sent to see if I am still interested was from earlier this month so hopefully I still have a shot 🙂

*He* has been texting me all day about how much he misses me and how lonely the apartment is without me… I told him I miss him too but that doesn’t change anything. I still have to go and do what I need to do to get back on track.

He is the only person I have ever been best friends and lovers with. I feel like we could be friends down the line but according to him we cannot. He said he has better things to do than pine over me over a distance and be hung up.

What is he talking about? The night before I left he said he had no feelings for me… Which (again, according to him) was his way of helping me since I haven’t been the “strong independent woman” he met for a while and had basically become his house wife…he said he “couldn’t let [me] live that way”. I guess he thought I would just stick around there being depressed about our relationship and still somehow get back on my own two feet all the while being dependent on and heartbroken about him.

What. The. Hell?

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