It is hard but I think we are both seeking closure. Today he told me he should have been more forthcoming and open with me about how he was feeling instead of pushing me away… He said he still feels like we can’t be friends because he loved me too much. To me I feel like no matter what, through everything we were always friends. I value him so much as a friend and companion. I guess it is different for him. He can’t stand the thought of “downgrading” to being just friends when we had so much more than that.
I asked him why he treated me the way he did, if it is true that he loved me “too much”… Why he resented me, was annoyed by everything I did…why he couldn’t accept me and why we couldn’t get along. He said it was because he didn’t like how I was playing “home economics” and playing video games and watching series in order to distract myself…
What was I supposed to do??? He was busy with school, we did most things together…when he was home we would watch movies and play Minecraft together and I would make us dinner… What was I supposed to be doing in my free time? Something more productive? Like what??? What??
I don’t get it. I don’t understand what he expected of me.
I abandoned all of my plans so that we could try to make our lives fit together. That was necessary. My plans have always consisted of traveling the world. My degree was my ticket to that. That is why I got certified to teach English as a foreign language. That had been my only plan. I didn’t know what I wanted to do besides that.
Apparently, the job I had wasn’t good enough for him. I wasn’t paid enough, blah blah blah. He even pretends that I never worked at all and that every moment of my life was free time, and all I ever did was play games and watch series…
I guess he is just delusional about all that.
Whatever. Maybe these talks are pointless.