I have been busy with work and my partner and all that…
I just felt the need to write today.
I am happier than I was when I started this blog/journal. However, I am still having trouble feeling like I am connected with reality.
I feel like all of my memories are about someone else. I remember them, but when I do it just feels like they happened to a different person, not me. Even ones from recent years.
In the shower this morning I felt a bit of a panic when I realized I am just not fully there right now. I asked myself what I could do to get back to reality, to get back to myself. I started reciting information about myself. My name is… I was born in… My father is, he lives in… My mother is, she lives in… My brother and sister are, they live in… I moved to X when I was X years old. I went to high school at… I graduated college at… etc.
Then the question came up, if Eva is not home, then who am I? I waited for the answer but none came. Then I told myself that I am no one else, I am just me. The name doesn’t matter. The name doesn’t feel important.
I don’t know what to make of all this. I have to get going to work. It was nice to get it out a little bit, though.
Best,
Eva.
not the nest 