I woke up today and tried to practice a Loveing-Kindness Meditation. I did it for about 10 or 15 minutes, but I couldn’t break through my feeling of numbness towards myself. A couple of times I started to feel kind of happy but as soon as I acknowledged it, it would fade away. So I’m going to keep working on that ^.^
I almost forgot to journal this morning, but I saw some notifications and a comment from someone and it jogged my memory. I’m glad for that because I really think that, for me, I have better days when I remember to journal.
Today I am going to try to focus on kindness and patience. I’m going to try to be kind to myself and those around me. I’m also going to try not to get frustrated or annoyed. I’ve been pretty irritable lately so I think I need to reel that in.
I just started thinking recently that maybe I’m so unhappy these days because in the last few years I have really neglected myself internally and spiritually. I want to explore if working on these things lead to a happier life for me. I am exploring my ideas about myself, the universe, spirituality, and testing them. If atheism is a void of depression and loneliness for me, then I am not going to sink into it without question.